According to a survey published in the journal Health Affairs in 2017, one-third of Americans over the age 65 have wills. Younger adults are even less likely to have prepared a will in anticipation of their death. Shocking statistics when you think about the wealth this country has and how it is potentially at risk because of the lack of proper planning. However, one woman in California is taking the bull by the horns to help people get their affairs in order.
Amy Pickhard hosts potluck dinners at her apartment in Los Angeles with a very specific purpose…helping them get their affairs in order. Her guests are asked to bring food and beverages that remind them of a loved one who has passed. The Potluck starts off with introductions and some discussion about everyone’s loved ones they are representing. They tell stories and talk about the dish they brought and why this reminded them of the person. The initial goal is to get them thinking about the loss of a loved one and how it might have impacted their life…emotionally, financially, and with other relationships.
This is followed by reviewing a document she calls the “Good to Go” Departure File. This is essentially a document and exercise that takes them through highly specific details of decisions they should be making for their own lives. It is a chance to explore what they have done and what they would like to do for their own life and loved ones.
The “Good to Go” discussion ranges from where they want their property to go to who should make decisions for them when they are incapacitated. The purpose isn’t to create legal documents but to simply allow them to talk about and record their own wishes for what they would like to see happen upon their own death. It is an opportunity to help them clarify and define certain parts of their life and how they would like to see these aspects handled.
While most of the questions are pretty easy and straightforward, some are thought provoking and challenging, such as those she refers to as the “sonic will.” For example, some questions might be, “Do you want the television on while you are waiting for family members to gather at your bedside? What songs do you want to be played on your deathbed or at your funeral?”
Pickard learned the necessity for this kind of planning the hard way, when her mother died unexpectedly several years ago. Pickard had to become a detective to locate the will and figure out what to do with her mother’s remains and assets. It took two years to settle the estate and then she was faced with her grandmother’s death followed by her father’s death. The experiences turned her into an evangelist for advanced planning. She began hosting the parties and they have become a regular event for her at her house.
While everyone may not be comfortable with this type of upbeat approach, many are willing to start talking about these sensitive topics in a more relaxed and fun enviornment. In some cases, people respond the way they do because they believe making a will and estate plan means they will die. Pickard’s response? “Writing this stuff down isn’t going to make you die!”
Putting your estate plan in order, along with a letter to your loved ones expressing what you would like to have happen at different points along the way is a great kindness to those you leave behind. I highly recommend you talk with an experienced estate planning attorney and go through a similar exercise to capture your wishes in a legal format well before you plan to leave this earth. When this happens, you literally can spare your loved ones the stress of guessing what you would want at the end of your life. What a great gift to leave your loved ones!