The executor of your estate is generally someone you trust to handle your estate the way you want it handled. You select an executor who you feel can both handle the role and carry out your wishes the way you would like them to be carried out. You want them to faithfully follow the instructions laid out in your Will (or Estate Plan) as you would like, which includes distributing your assets according to your wishes.
Often times we trust one of our own children above all other potential candidates for this responsibility. We name the child as our executor, having put little thought into the consequences that may follow. This may not always a good idea, as Texas Lawyer discusses in "Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Executors."
Being an executor is not an easy job. In fact, it is very detailed, time consuming, and has the potential for creating conflicts among other family members. So who would want this role? If someone doesn’t know what they are doing, it is quite easy for them to make mistakes. And in certain cases, they can be held personally liable for those mistakes.
Executors generally do much more than simply distribute the assets of the estate. He or she must be able to communicate with the court and with any heirs about the estate. If, for example, the executor and a sibling do not get along, there can be additional problems beyond carrying out the wishes of the deceased. In some cases, executors will need to invest assets for a period of time, before they can be distributed. If they aren’t familiar with what (or how) to do this it can create both a loss of potential income and create controversies among family members, for example.
My strong recommendation is to do some careful thinking and analysis before naming one of your children to be the executor of your estate. Take some time to think through whether it is a role you feel a particular child is up to given their position and point in life. It might be better, in some cases, to name a professional as the executor…one that is very familiar with the process and has no biases since they aren’t a family member.
There are other choices as well. Maybe even someone a little more distant from the immediate family who has a strong aptitude for this type of role could keep it within the family but allow it to be removed from the emotional carryover an immediate family member (or beneficiary) might have. The key is to carefully think through this and look at all your options instead of just picking someone because they are your immediate family member. The time invested will save lots of tears in the end. And there are already enough tears to go around after you pass away.